Men’s Dating Coach Confronts Women With 10 Painful Truths
Anyone who knows me knows I make content for men, but I'll shake it up a notch today. Today I'm talking to women. Dames. Senoritas. Mulheres. Suppose you're a woman who thinks men who learn to improve their attraction and seduction abilities are bad, wrong, or evil (as many do). In that case, this post is for you because, trust me, you couldn't be any further from the truth. So let's get to it.
You ready?
Here come the pain!
Women hold all the power in dating
The absolute fact is that dating is skewed heavily in favour of women, but what do I mean by that? Women have an infinitely easier time in the dating marketplace than men, for whom dating is like eternal anguish and misery. For instance, when the average woman creates an account on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, or whatever, she'll get inundated by scores of men praising her beauty and offering to take her out.
On the flip side, the average man creates an account on the same site and gets next to nothing. He might only get 2 matches after a whole week of hardcore 1-hour daily swipe sessions. 2 matches that aren't close to being what he wants, and ghost him after the first message anyway.
In fact, it's been proven that an average man will get a right swipe less than 1% of the time his profile is looked at and that statistically, 80% of women are matching, messaging, and dating the top 20% of men. This means the bottom 80% of dudes are fighting over the bottom 20% of women and getting nowhere.
This is just the absolute truth of it.
It's fucking tough to be a man today
It's tough because you're told many things that sound beautiful but don't work in practice, like telling women how beautiful they are. The truth is that unless a woman's already semi-gaga for a man, he'll get disregarded, friend-zoned, or ghosted with that strategy?
Don't believe me?
Go through your social media and dating apps and see how many men you've ignored for doing exactly that.
Ask yourself this question? How much thought have you ever put into your dating profile pics? I'm sure it's next to none. You go through photos on your phone, choose 6 that accentuate your best features, and voila, you're done.
Voila.
Finito.
That's all she wrote.
Men must treat their profiles like businesses marketing products in a highly competitive marketplace. They have to pay for and orchestrate professional photoshoots where they take carefully crafted images that imply strength, confidence, a dynamic lifestyle, desirable social connections, and wealth, as well as making them look sexy. That's why 80% of male profiles get soundly ignored by women.
But do you have any idea of how many men know that? Next to none.
And do you have any idea of how hard it is for the ones who do know to set up their pictures so that they convey all of the above while looking accidental so you don't think they're trying too hard?
For those of you who want to say I'm wrong and that men don't need to do that, you're wrong. My professional and personal experience shows that these are precisely the profiles that get attention from women. But that's just getting your attention; it has nothing to do with keeping it.
https://youtu.be/K3FbtWt-Mow
Even women don't know how to hold women's attention
It's so insanely perplexing that men worldwide pay coaches like me good money to show them how to do it properly.
I did a video a little while back where I had a woman called Antonia create a profile as a man, swipe for a week and try to get just two dates and two phone numbers. Unsurprisingly, she thought this was gonna be a walk in the park. Still, I knew better, so to make things easier, I set her up with a top-tier male profile so she was guaranteed to get matches and just had to worry about messaging women.
With an average profile, she'd have swiped for a week, got nothing and wanted to shoot herself. Still, I wanted her to get some experience of actually trying to secure dates.
Anyway, can you guess what happened?
She got zero dates and phone numbers after messaging women for a freaking week. She sent over 40 messages, the vast majority of which were utterly ignored. She had no idea what to say to get those women to respond, and you know why?
Because women hold men to a different standard than they demand of each other and that men demand of them. Antonia was used to messaging men and women who didn't require her to be exceptionally witty or creative to give her the time of day, so suddenly, taking the role of a man was a shock to her system.
Suddenly, she was disregarded for displaying the same personality that got her tons of attention in her regular life.
Once they thought she was a man, the women she matched weren't satisfied with "Hi, how's it going? You have a lovely smile." They demanded better. Something that Antonia, a woman herself, wasn't able to give.
FYI, Antonia's one of the closest people to me in the world and I love her so much I've named the heroine of my next book after her, so don't see this as an attack on her. She's not dumb, stupid, or lacking in any way; she just experienced what dating is like for the average man who doesn't have female privilege.
Pickup artists are scared
Now I want to talk about so-called sleazy, manipulating pickup artists. Something I've never seen anybody say is that none of them want to have to do what they're doing. Do you think those guys enjoy walking the streets looking for women to talk to and facing brutal rejection after brutal rejection? Of course, they don't. It's one of the most intimidating things a person can do, and that's why 90% of men and almost 100% of women don't approach the opposite sex.
You think men are this all-powerful, all-confident monolith, but they're not. They're scared, insecure, and shy, just like you, but sadly they're the ones who have to make the first moves and suffer the trauma of seeing you treat them like a fart you wish would dissipate. They're the ones who have to be in a bar, see a woman they like but who's surrounded by 3 other friends, and fight through that fear to approach and entertain the whole group.
Could you do that? Could you walk up to a gang of strangers in a bar or nightclub and start a conversation with them to get to know the one you like? Knowing fully well that all eyes are on you and it's your job to entertain them all for at least 10 minutes so they accept you and let you talk to the one you like?
By the way, if a man just approached the one he liked and ignored her friends, they'd get annoyed and pull her away, even if she wanted him, so talking to her privately isn't an option at first.
Men aren't hunters
You think men are hunters who love the thrill of the chase, but we're not. That's what you want to see us as, but it's not true. We hunt because we have to and for no other reason. Erotic fiction is to women as porn is to men, I.e. sexual fantasies, right? Sweet. Have you ever seen a clip on Pornhub where the man had to work for it? If men wanted to chase, they'd incorporate it into their erotica too.
The truth is that, just as our ancestors stopped hunting the moment they knew they could buy food from markets, so would men today stop chasing women if it wasn't necessary.
That's just the fact of it.
Here's the thing. Every man you've ever met since puberty kicked in has shown you what he knows you want to see, i.e. confidence. But it's all fake. None of it's real. Men are expected to be confident, stoic entities that never cry and can always protect and lead, but most aren't. They're souls inhabiting bodies like you and trying to live up to social doctrines.
Just as you aren't all gorgeous IG models, we aren't all unflappable 007s who don't feel fear, so to circle back to my original point, pickup artists (of which I'm not one) are scared. They're terrified.
They have to find women they're attracted to and go and speak to them in a way that makes them glad that they met you and makes them happy to swap details.
Men feel like they're not good enough
Do you know how many times I've coached guys and had to fight like Rocky Balboa to give them the confidence to go out and meet women because they're terrified of yet another crushing rejection.
It hurts, ladies. It genuinely hurts.
It hurts to walk up to someone you're attracted to, put yourself out there, and have them say talk to the hand because the face ain't listening. Women can be incredibly cold to men they don't know. It's almost like you don't realise men are human beings too. There's a societal narrative that women are like Florence Nightingale, Snow White, Mother Theresa (as depicted in the media, apparently she was actually a cunt), or Princess Di, but it's not true. You're just as broken and messed up as men and no more prone to being good people than your masculine counterparts.
It's tough. Painfully, excruciatingly tough and terrifying to get rejected again and again and again. And every time a man's cast aside, this is the story he tells himself:
There's something wrong with me. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm inherently lacking and don't deserve happiness.
He wants to run. He doesn't want to feel that crippling rejection again, but guess what? He has to. He doesn't have a choice because if he runs, he'll doom himself to never experience the deep, genuine, and soul-nourishing connection with women that he so desperately craves.
Men want to connect with you
People act like men in the seduction scene hate women, but that's absolute bullshit. They love you. They love you so much that they'll gladly suffer repeated agonising rejection to get close to you.
Do you not see how beautiful that is?
But sadly for these men, they feel like women just don't care, and they're right,
There's an Atlantic Ocean between them and the femininity with which they yearn to merge. A vast ocean filled with sharks, electric eels, crocodiles, Dr Doom, Magneto, Thanos, and even Sylvie from Emily in Paris. Today's man has no idea how to cross that ocean, but it's probably the one thing he wants more than anything. However, women are on the other side of it and don't care if he makes it across. If he does, fantastic. If he doesn't, mazel tov. And that's just the way it is.
You have no idea how privileged you are
Being a woman in today's dating world is like living in a garden full of apples that are constantly offering themselves to you to eat them.
"Hey, do you want to eat me?"
"Hey, how about me?"
"Hey, eat me. I'm the sweetest, most delicious apple you'll ever put in your mouth."
"Nah, fuck that apple. He'll never feel your belly like I can."
Do you know what being a man's like?
Being a hunter-gatherer.
A hunter-gatherer who needs to eat and isn't going to do so unless he goes out into the wilderness and risks life and limb to find sustenance.
Do you know that the average man under 30 is either a virgin or hasn't had sex in a year? The average man. Do you realise that this doesn't just include men you don't know and don't give a shit about, but also your nephews, cousins, widowed dads, colleagues, and close friends?
This is what men deal with.
https://youtu.be/0-uv8gT9Kxw
A documentary called Self Made Man was made by a feminist called Norah Vincent, who lived as a man for 18 months. It was meant to be much longer, but the experience drove her crazy, and she had to end it for her sanity (her words). After that harrowing experience, she said, "Being a woman is a privilege." she said it was unbearably brutal to live as a man and that doing so made her start to hate women.
Some men have entirely given up, and some haven't
Today we have Incel's (involuntarily celibate) men who think women will never want them. They've basically given up and accepted their status as modern quasimodos. Men who, despite being near suicidal, are basically laughed at by society.
Then we have MGTOW, men who've decided that dating doesn't work for them and have opted out entirely.
Then there's the Redpill community, men who realise that the Disney narrative of life that we've been spoonfed is a lie and are trying to wake other men up.
Finally, I'm a part of the pickup/seduction community, but we're not one homogenous monolith. There are tons of offshoots featuring different people with different views, but what unites us is that we're all trying to teach men how to thrive in this environment, be the most sexarific versions of themselves, attract amazing women, and live fucking incredible lives.
Like I said, that's the camp I'm in, and if you pay attention to my posts, you'll see that I spend a lot of time telling men hard truths they don't want to hear.
I don't blame women for the arduous lengths men must go to to create top-tier dating profiles. I just show men how to do it.
I don't blame women for the agonising lengths men must go to to keep their attention when messaging them. I just show men how to do it,
Etc.
Men's dating coaches make your life better
My clients have gotten into committed and loving relationships with women they'd never have had the courage to talk to before I worked with them. And, in the future, little toddlers will walk the earth who would never have existed if I hadn't coached their daddies.
Dating coaches like me are basically the male equivalent of personal trainers. I show men how to become more attractive to you so that you actually want them.
You fear sleazy and creepy men, right? Well, every man I work with is one less creep for you to worry about harassing you online or following you home from the train station.
You want men who can make you feel safe, comfortable, excited, and protected, right? I'm showing them how to be just that.
Let's say we have an obese woman who wants to attract a high-value man and hires a trainer to help her get in shape to lose all the blubber. It would be fucking stupid for men to hate on her for trying to become exactly what they want and absurd to hate on the trainer for helping her do it.
I'm currently dating a beautiful woman I met in a pet store in Bali. She really wanted to speak to me but didn't have the courage. I did, however, and you know why? Because of all the time I spent fighting to overcome that fear, as you can see below.
https://medium.com/@kierenbrown/100-women-in-50-days-5a54709072ef
Because of the above challenge, I could speak to her confidently, and the rest is history. So I'd like to ask people who think what we do is so morally abhorrent, evil and manipulative against women a few things. Firstly, why is what we do so bad when this woman is applauded?
https://nypost.com/2022/10/04/i-get-paid-to-teach-women-how-to-manipulate-men-get-what-they-want/
Secondly, what's your solution? Do you think a man dissatisfied with his romantic/sex life should suffer in silence and die alone?
Is that what you're saying?
"Fuck yourself and deal with being miserable?"
Do you think that, or do you believe something should be done to help these men (many of whom you know and love personally without knowing they have a problem)? And, if you think something should be done to help these guys, could you tell me what that should be?
What is it?
If it's not helping him to become the kind of man you want to date, fuck, marry and raise kids with, then what?
What are we doing here?
Let me just say again that everything that we teach in this community takes creepy, undesirable, unattractive or invisible men and turns them into something you want.
Most men don't want to hurt you. We love you
The word rape culture gets thrown around a lot these days, and here's what I've got to say. The men in this scene and I have zero desire to ever force themselves on women. If that were the case, we wouldn't be learning how to make you genuinely want us. I'm 40 (I know, black don't crack), and I've been in this scene for 20 years. I've spent half my freaking life learning how to attract women and then showing other men how to do it too.
But why?
Why bother if we're sleazy rapists?
The simple fact is that unless some of you women reading this are professional MMA fighters, the average man could pin you down and do whatever he wanted to you. You wouldn't be able to stop him. So if that's true (which it is), why the fuck is he going to spend his time learning how to make you want him for real while suffering hundreds of, not thousands, of crushing rejections along the way? Why do that if rape is a perfectly valid option?
Because it isn't an option.
Because we want to experience a genuine connection with you.
Because we're not what you think.
Because we don't hate you. We love you.
We love you with all our hearts.
And we just want to know how to make you love us.
We want you to want to miss us when we're gone and be in fits of laughter when we're around. We want to make you feel comfortable, safe, protected and sexy. We want to feel the softness of your body pressed against ours while we binge Emily in Paris or spoon in a warm bed at 2am on a cold Sunday morning.
We want you to look at us like you did when we were young. When you weren't so distrusting and would happily give us your energy without acting like we're either a pathetic nuisance or a dire threat that might knife you in the neck at any moment. We crave that feminine energy again and feel incomplete without it. We want you to like, accept, love, and not disregard us. That's it.
For every man who's raped a woman, there are another 99 who couldn't bring themselves to do it even if they wanted to. For every man who's made you feel uncomfortable on a date, dozens were so scared of being like him that they suppressed their sexualities, made you feel like there wasn't a spark, were discarded for their troubles, and spiralled into private pits of depression that you know nothing about.
We're just trying to become the best versions of ourselves and nothing more. We want to become the strong men you desire and nothing more.
We don't hate you. We love you.
And we just want to know how to make you love us.
That's why we do what we do.
We love you with all our hearts.
Sincerely,
Men
